We went on a long hike up Lions Head today, a mountain between two ranges right next to the river. From the top of it, you can see an amazing view of both ranges and the glacier nearby. The way up and down is quite steep, though on the way down you are able to do a lot of sliding down the snow since it’s so slick this time of year. Unfortunately on my way down, I lost my lens cap for my camera, though I think the lens looks fine, no scratches. This hike is only a couple of miles away from where I live, and it was a wonderful day off. I went with two of my friends, one being my coworker and the other being a tour guide at the glacier. Me and my friends got food at my work afterwards, and had a movie night after. Really needed a first blog post so I thought I’d make it simple. Today I have been full of inspiration, writing my first blog posts, getting a few sporadic fun paintings done, some drawing, sound design and music related things, transferred photos from my camera to my phone and began editing a couple, what a day. I cannot wait to see what life brings to my doorstep.
I decided to create a website purely because I felt like I needed a project to work on, and as I move a lot, it’s hard to keep all of my art work and creations, so I decided this may be a good place to post what I have created, if you’d want to consider it a portfolio you could, but I would consider it just a personal website to show off to people, improve my coding skills, and creates an incentive to create more. I have a couple of goals and aspirations that I really want to follow through with, and I believe the creation of this website and the following developments to come, will help me get further with my goals. If you’d like to support this journey, just keep checking back!
After a hard days work, all’s I want to do is finish my book, do some writing, and play some games with friends. Odd situation today with a health bill, but it’s not too exciting so I won’t write about it. What game do I plan on playing though? Dead by Daylight, probably one of my favorite games of all time. Hell, I got a damn tattoo of it on my left arm. I have always been a gamer in one form or fashion, but with time I found myself being entertained with other hobbies, being outside more, making more art or music, learning, ugh. Being an adult definitely sucks sometimes, but everyone has that inner child, you need to nurture that inner child. You can’t simply be busy all of the time and expect to be happy, have some fun! Enjoy your fucking life, don’t be one with the corporate slop. Take some time to yourself to delve into a hobby, play a video game, go on a hike, dance, fuck I don’t know, just do something, for you!
Turned out to be a really fun night on Friday, went Bowling with friends, hung out at the bar after for a bit and I got to play pool, but the day at work was definitely draining, I was so ready to get back home. I slept in until 45 minutes before work started, got a shower in, and started my day. Not to say it was a bad day by any means, I was simply, so ready to get home, so I can actually have an interesting and fun rest of my night, do some art, write this blog post, you know the deal. I lost a lens cap on my hike the other day, so I also have to order some of those. Also trying to figure out my next travel plans. I fly from Anchorage to Bozeman september 6th, and then I have my flight to Tokyo the 9th, and my plans after all of that, have yet to be figured out. I am sure I will come up with some fun travel plans, but no need to figure all of that out just yet, just live and see where the wind takes me. I would simply be afraid to go to some places, as I’ll have my laptop, camera, phone etc with me. And also thank god that its finally becoming spring again! I was so done with the cold and dark winter, time has definitely flied and it’s wild how it’s already March, it feels like new years was but only a couple of weeks ago. My roommate moved in with me mid January, the baker came back mid January, and my other two friends got here early and mid February. God, I love Alaska so much, I love my friends, indifferent to the work itself but most importantly, I love the nature here. This is definitely a good buffer between adventures, a good place to save money, and a good place to truly find my place in the world, but eh that’s a life long journey, I don’t need to know my place just yet, but that fact alone doesn’t mean you should stop searching! Enjoy every living moment you have, life is so damn beautiful.
I start work soon, not entirely looking forward to it as presumably it’s supposed to be a busy day today, but that just means more tips, more money saved up for my future expeditions. I am not really trying to spend a ton of money anyways, so I hope after this job is finished up, I should have a good amount of money saved up. We’ll see just how long we’re able to fuck off for, I want to be out traveling for a while and I really do NOT want to worry about my finances, but I mean hey if some people with worse money habits can survive, I am sure that I can too. Let’s just be safe about it, as this will probably be my longest bout traveling by myself, beginning in September. Man, I wish I turned 20 a little sooner, as I am going to Japan not even a month before turning 20 and I want to go club a little! But hey, there is always a time and a place for that, I am sure I will be able to once I travel to other places. I am really looking forward to all of the new people I’ll meet, adventures I’ll have, and I am wondering, did I talk about this exact topic in my last blog post? Not entirely sure, though it’s been on my mind a lot recently, truly. On my days off this week, I plan on updating some of the other aspects of my website, I am using Aseprite to test out a couple of tilings for my backgrounds, but we’ll see what looks best!
I feel an immense amount of drive at the moment. Drive to simply to, better. Maybe its because of the insanely busy day yesterday, maybe it’s the recent sense of having it “figured out”, not fully, but I’ve definitely made some strides. A lot of our stress comes from not having any of our shits figured out, whether it be more personal or with life itself, if that makes any sense. This morning I got a lot of reading done on one of my books, some other things marked off my checklist, plus it’s Monday and I am expecting a couple of things in the mail this week, lots to look forward to, including my paycheck! So, I’m hoping it’s a fairly fat one. Damn, I also need a raise, but I am a little too scared to ask. Regardless, I am still making decent money, I just suppose the tips during the spring may not be very good. Hell I am surprised we’ve been as busy as we’ve been recently. Regardless, another 6 months of working here and then I am back to living life the way I intended. I just want to explore and see the world, learn, have some time off to really work on my hobbies and projects. I will probably repeatedly mention that as it’s something I am really looking forward to. And damn, I am so excited to simply be outside and exploring again. The winter is on it’s tail end, all the snow is starting to melt, the green is going to come back soon enough, bliss.
So many people out in this world are truly vile, I am going to choose not to be one of those people. Yesterday was a really hard day at work, and I plan to move on from that day, we only grow and get better from here. I really need to do some more working out again, I feel like its been a while since I was consistent with it. I am making it a goal to get healthier and better with my habits and my hobbies, really finding the time to work on them, and really giving value to the limited amount of downtime I really have. Work has been burning me out and killing me so much recently, though we will come through the other end unscathed, and I am sure of that. I am going to make the choice to learn from all of my mistakes, and move forward. Learning instead of succumbing will only make you stronger, more passionate, and more human. I refuse to ever allow myself to sulk and cry about past events, and I will only move forward. I am done allowing people to upset me, I am done taking things so personally, we are all human, and I will better acknowledge that going forward. Cheers to new beginnings.
Been pretty lazy today, pretty much just played video games, did some language learning, and now I am realizing that I actually need to do something with my day lol. Well I showered and did some other hygiene related things, but I’m ready to be more productive. I have been in a slight depression and I realize that, the best way to get out of it is to do something! I’ll probably go do some drawing in a moment, work on learning a couple new topics to help with the creation of my website, journal a little (I will also add a journaling section to my website at some point), etc. We’ll see what happens! I am also sooo hungry, haven’t eaten a thing all day! Well I’ll probably get started on all of that, just wanted to write a short post.
Today was an exciting day, work was a bit difficult last week, but the day at work today went super smoothly. I am considering a couple of new ideas for my website, different categories to implement and other slight changes. I am also considering mastering and finishing one of my tracks that I’ve made and posting it on Sound Cloud for people to listen to. Though it is only going to be my first soundtrack post, I don’t expect it to be amazing. Though with time I am sure my music will improve more and more, as I am consuming music production content daily, as well as practicing and creating daily. Regardless, I am also a believer that if you are a creative in one form or fashion, that talent can leak over to other creative endeavors. I feel like my drawings and other art tend to correlate with the music I find myself listening to and creating. Sometimes, Alaska, the state I live in currently, creeps me out. Thankfully the perpetual darkness has ended and we are on the up, more and more sun each and every day. I never felt so thankful for the sun and warmth in my entire life. Though what I really enjoy about living out here is the sheer fact that, it makes you value the little things even more, tasks you with taking life a little slower out here. My patience has definitely increased as things are not as convenient as they used to be, whether it be using the bathroom, getting water, cooking, showering, using the internet, everything. I feel like I will write a synopsis on my experience in Alaska at some point, though my leaving date is six months away from the creation of this post.
Wow, it’s been over a week since I had made my last blog post, guess I just found myself busied up with other things in life, I am currently working on finding a new place and a new job, primarily because I am finding myself not being all too fulfilled at my current job. I love my coworkers, and I love the nature surrounding me, though as a gay male, being in a predominantly conservative christian community Is a little difficult, adding on the fact that it’s a small town, in the middle of nowhere, everybody knows each other’s business. No hate, I simply cannot do this lifestyle. I am young, I am trying to have fun, fuck up, be crazy, and this isn’t the best place to do it. Though, coming to that realization, was a strong turning point in my journey, acknowledging that I may not be as happy as I’d like, it’s a sign that I must work towards being happier, placing myself in a better place, I am looking forward to all of the journeys to come, and all of the obstacles that may be in the way. I am looking forward to the growth and all of the people that I will meet. Even through these weird times of, not knowing what I want, I will inch closer and closer to being my true self.
Thinking about changes I want to make to my website. I already have so much on my plate but the ideas keep pouring. I read a lot of books and find myself wanting to implement a book review section of sorts, but simultaneously I feel like that is too much writing, and I don’t feel entirely passionate about creating book reviews, not really my forte. I am more concerned about documenting my life in a fashion, places I have been, my daily life, my thoughts, my art, and my growth. Book reports wouldn’t really take much of that into consideration, I have other things on my agenda. Though I do plan on remaining somewhat consistent with these posts. I need to update and change some of the pages to my liking, I want to create animated backgrounds on a couple of my web pages, while also finding a fun way to format them so they look professional enough while still being really fun to look at and look through. I am very happy with the outcome of my morning though, listened through one of my tracks and decided that I am going to pour in some time into creating this one track, mastering it to my liking, this is the desired outcome. I don’t want to half ass any music project that I will end up submitting, posting it to sound cloud or whatever. I feel as if I will need more time than I currently have, or I will at least need to finish some other tasks before continuing on this one. I have a hard time prioritizing certain things, though I am working on prioritizing music more.
Ready for the weekend, I am highly looking forward to my time off as I time to work on some other endeavors, I am not entirely sure if it will be a social weekend or not, but if I do end up being social, I’ll wait until the end of the day after I am worn out and burnt out from creating the rest of the day. I want to spend some time on a painting idea that I have, and maybe paint one of my more abstract “dragon” drawings, of which I’ll post on my website whenever I have the Art section set up. Balancing everything can be a little difficult in this day and age, work, social life, sleeping, eating, hygiene, staying active and healthy, while also learning and having downtime, and so much more, ugh. I think it’s a calling that I need to improve my patience, as that’s something I have always lacked. But growing up and making it further and further on the journey of life, I have gotten better at managing everything we must do as functional adults. I feel for being 19, I am doing pretty well. Though, its a necessity that we must grow and learn each and every day, that’s life. If we slow down too much, we get dragged under. Though, sometimes it can be a little difficult to not be dragged under, especially with all of the distractions and things going on in this world. My coworker and friend mentioned how my generation, Generation Z, is probably the most unfortunate of generations, guinea pigs for the technological age. Addiction is so prevalent in my generation, and in certain ways it’s normalized. I try to stay off social media and even my phone as much as I possibly can, though I feel like I fail at it at times.
TGIF. It hasn’t even been a long week, just an incredibly weird one. I am sure going into the following weeks, or hell even the rest of my life, I will be a better person. Not sure how good that grammar is, but I don’t really even care. Hell, its crazy that I’ve lived this long, so at the end of the day, I have that going for me. Anyways, not really planning on doing much with my day, I couldn’t care to really. Woke up too early thins morning, riding out the tire til tonight. I think when I am in this state I have more enjoyment of life anyways, being able to take things slow, not so much worrying about moving from one task to the next. It’s these sorts of days that really give us the ability to recover. Enjoy your day, as any day could truly, be your last! :0
Days like this give you the opportunity to think, gain some sense of introspection. It was quite slow at work today, smoked a joint, and now I’m finding myself unsure of what the rest of my night is going to look like. Work wasn’t tiring at all, but it does eat up the majority of my day, whether it be preparing for work, being at work physically, etc. I try to get a lot of my more busy stuff out of the way whenever I’m at work too, practicing my spanish, I’ll do some drawing and other art at work if I have the chance, I’d like to read more at work but my managers really do get on me about that, can’t be too obvious with certain things. Regardless, it’s important to truly find time for yourself, your hobbies, and time to really just, heal and grow. If there was one piece of advice I wish I could tell everyone, please, acknowledge your fucking mental health. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Not sure what to think of this day, it was completely mediocre. So ready to work somewhere else. My job is excruciatingly boring, and I don’t feel challenged at all. I’ve probably already mentioned that so many damn times, but I don’t even care, it’s the truth. My attention span does not allow me to enjoy the work I do. But aside from that, yeah. Today was completely fine. I picked up a bunch of canvasses and got really into painting tonight. And I also got into a bunch of drawing and music related things, and came up with a couple of new ideas for my website, I’m hoping to get back on working on it soon, my access to WIFI is limited sometimes, so it’s mostly just finding the time, or a way to work on it offline.
Maybe its best that I stop mentioning work. This is a point in my life where there are increments of positive change. Huge increments that is, and I need to continue working on this change so I can exit my current situation. Not to say that my current situation is horrible by any means, though I desire real change, real improvement, and I am currently working on it. It takes huge strides and making the best of the limited time I have, though I have no complaints, I am really interested in putting forth this effort, to become my ideal self. These are the thoughts I have been sitting with most of the day. What will my life look like in the next couple of years, hell what will my life look like within the next couple of months? There will be a bunch of shifts in the course of my life within the next coming months. There is simply a lot of opportunities and things going on in general. I think I am blessed somehow, someway, and things will work out regardless. But I think one pivotal moment will be, whenever I stop complaining how draining and time consuming work is, how much it genuinely takes out of me. This job has been a huge learning experience, and everything happens for a reason. I was meant to work this job, there is something to learn, something to gain from working there. Stay blessed, and know that you are loved.
Spring is right around the corner and I can feel it, you can see a little growth on the trees, it’s not absolutely freezing but just a little freezing, and I can finally walk outside with only a tank top and a flannel. I appreciate the winter, though especially out here in Alaska, and especially where I live out in Alaska, it can be a bit dreary and barren, not a ton of social interaction, while also not having a ton to do unless you like snow sports, and even then the snow sports can show to be a bit pricy and at this point in my life, I am trying to save money as much as I can. I’ll splurge just a little bit occasionally, though I highly prefer that I save my money. I am mostly saving simply because I want to feel secure while traveling, not worrying so much money but also being quite frugal with it, as I want to get some music equipment and a car whenever I get back to the states. With that being said, I still have everything I need, and I still splurge occasionally. I went to town this weekend and spent some time at the coffee shop, wandering about town, getting dinner, as these are things I don’t do horribly often so why not enjoy the moment. The town I refer to as “town” is about an hour or so away from where I live, that’s where the nearest grocery store is, the nearest anything really. When I say I live in the middle of nowhere, I mean I live in the middle of nowhere. As a gay male who has mostly ever lived in cities, it is showing to be a bit difficult for me. Well, I haven’t always lived in big cities, but I’ve always been within 30 minutes of a metro area. But it could be worse, there are a lot of little tiny fly in villages with very few people and very little to do, imagine being raised there, I wonder what your perspective on the world would be like? Gives you some perspective on how different people may think.
Finding myself in a weird mood as of late, had some really interesting dreams as I was dozing back off this morning that made me really wonder. I didn’t wonder about anything particularly, mostly just some retrospection and thinking about my current situation in life. “Am I happy?”, “Am I giving myself enough time to simply relax?”, “What can I even do with my life?”, “What will my life look like in the next couple of years?”, but maybe it’s good that I think these things. It’s good to push through the hardships and it’s good to build these healthy habits, and writing these blog posts are something I am trying to stay consistent with, whether or not I post them regularly, I still have them made and typed up, which is good enough for the time being. I find myself being too busy with work to do most things, so I usually have to wait until my weekend to commit to any longer projects. I’ll always get some of my hobby related tasks done during the work days, but I can’t just pull my laptop out and work on music or my website, at work. Granted I always try to get at least a little music making done before or after work, I simply feel so drained at times after work, or maybe I didn’t sleep the best during the night. Sometimes I get pretty burnt out and tired from all the pressure I put onto myself, though we always manage to push through. You become a stronger person whenever you adapt and grow from the pains in your life, and that strength defines you. Know that you are loved and you are cared for, you got this!